Liam - Explained.

Well, I'm guessing my MANY AVID (evil eyes) followers will be wanting to know, "Hey girl, what's the deal with this Liam bloke?"
Well, I'm going to tell you.
See, he was Daniel's friend. I met him when I was with Daniel. He had a girlfriend called Samantha, about 3 months after Dan broke up with me, he broke up with Samantha. Liam asked me out. I thought, "Why the fuck not?"
But that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, people.
He broke up with me, for another girl. I have nothing against this girl, she's a lovely person. It's Liam I want dead. :D

OH GAWD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS.

I am so so so so sorry, Internet.
Please forgive me?
Okay, now that's over and done with.
I never had a birthday party in the end. Because I thought, "Fuck it".
A lot has happened in my life recently, actually.
- I got two boyfriends, both of them dumped me.
- The first one was called Daniel, he lasted 4 days until he found out I was too weird.
- The second was called Liam, he lasted 2 months until he wanted some other pussy.
- Ashling was my best friend, until she decided to side with Liam because she wants his dick.
Oh well.
I'm in 3rd year now. I have my mocks in exactly a month... and I'm blogging.
I have my priorities sorted, it seems. ;)

Awkward birthday invites.

It's that time of the year again.

The time of the year I cherish yet detest at the same time.

It's my birthday.

On the 30th of May, actually. Not today.

I used to love my birthday pre-secondary. When I first heard in secondary that we get off on the first week of June, I thought to myself "WOW! That's amazing!"

Of course, since that's the rule in my school, it also means that the term tests ARE ALWAYS on my birthday. Which sucks hugely because I have to study on my birthday and shit that should be illegal to do on your birthday.

I hate my birthday. I was supposed to be born June 6th, but apparently I was giving my mum diabetes. Which is bad apparently.

Speaking of secondary, I'm beginning to loathe primary school students.

Not because I'm jealous (which I totally am), they seem to have no idea of the concept that I HAVE NO FREE TIME DURING EXAMS.

I have a friend, Sinéad who's in 6th class. She's going to secondary next year. She's been my best friend since she was in nappies and I was om-nom-nomming on gingerbread men.

I get the feeling she thinks I don't want to be her friend because I always say, "I'm studying." while I'm really doing pot with magic teapots.

Anyway, back to my birthday.

I'm planning on inviting people to my party (no shit) but... I'm REALLY terrible at asking them.

I just get nervous, I feel like a 9 year old again. I don't have a choice but to refer to it as a party...

Birthdays suck.

My new teacher contradicts my blog.

There is a god, and his name is Taylor Lautner.

I had a geometry test coming up last February, and even though I'm atheist [I'm also a Whovian], I literally fell on my knees praying to Him (facing Michigan, of course) to ask Him to postpone the test. As I had not studied. Not one tiny bit. And I'm SHIT at geometry...

Anyway, as I was shitting myself walking into Maths, the whole class waited a good ten minutes. Which is unusual for my teacher, she's the Flash's daughter.

My vice principal came in and asked us what teacher we had, we told her Ms. Deegan.

Apparently, we had a free class.

Ms. Deegan had gone into labour (she was heavily pregnant. Forgot to mention that.) and fainted in the staff room. Literally minutes before lunch was over. She was taken to hospital and we had a free class. We STILL haven't had that test.

We had a number of teachers before we settled on our one for 3rd year. We had the old principal [also my geography teacher's mother], Mrs. Croke. Who has taken my phone off me and not given it back. It's been well over a week, Miss.

And we had the Lee Evans look-a-like with a NICE ASS. Though he did treat us like babies. And constantly shove his ass in our faces. Which isn't actually pleasant with a male teacher.

Now we have a teacher that looks a bit like my mum. She's really young and pretty, her name's Miss O'Friel. And she made us do ALGEBRA (ALGEBRA DOESN'T EXIST. CAN'T YOU READ?!) today. Which completely contradicts what I stand for here in this blog!

Other than simple algebra, when in life will we use quadratic equations or the difference of two squares?!

In other news, I have acquired a scar. On my lip. I'll give you a minute to think of the dirty and sexual ways I may have gotten it.

Finished?

I got it from a freaking LOLLIPOP.

My friend, Meaghan decided to get me a huge ass lollipop. Even though I was happily munching on popcorn.

I had sucked it into oblivion (and I'm STILL single) and it was still quite huge. I decided to bet Meaghan, Shauna and Cory that I could fit it into my mouth.

One of the jagged pieces kinda fucked up my lip. It's not that bad, it's just sore.

So never put a huge ass lollipop in your mouth. No matter how much your friends try to tell you it's Taylor Lautner's dick. [Lovely mental image for you :D]

Problem, Aesop?

Technologic. Technologic. Technologic.

It’s official. I repel technology. I love it, but I repel it.

You’re probably thinking, “What is she on about? How do you repel technology? Do vibrators count?”

Well, since I was 10. And I will be 14 soon, I have had…

• Three Sony Ericsson phones
• A Tocco Lite
• An iPod Classic
• Two DS’s
• Countless pairs of earphones
• A Gameboy colour
• A Gameboy Advance
• A Wii
• A PS2
• A desktop computer
• And of course, an electric toothbrush.

I’ve broken every single one of them, and inflicted many viruses on my laptop. Which, I’m surprised hasn’t blown up yet.

I’ve fixed a few though. The most tragic of all is my iPod. I left it outside. In the rain. WHEN I WAS 13.

You may call me a stupid ass bitch. But it was dark, I was tired, I had a bike, I completely forgot about it…

I had over 1,000 songs on it too.

But my phone was a good replacement. Even though it broke about 4 months later...

Which the circumstances in that my phone broke are unknown.

I text quite a lot of people, so at one point, one of my friends would NOT stop texting me, so I had to text her {in the shower. Lovely little mental image for you all} to tell her to stop. Water could have gotten in... but it didn't break until I put new songs on it a few hours later... viruses can't effect phones, right?

In real life however, it appears I'm in school tomorrow. Which sucks balls since I have P.E. tomorrow. For gymnastics. Certain pains in a certain place don't exactly help that either. And our teacher doesn't let us sit out for that...

I'm beginning to think the make up rule in my school is bullshit. I mean, what harm will it do to have a bit of eyeliner on? Plus some people are very insecure [like me] about their skin etc so they don't want people to see it.

Fuck my school.

Strange nippleless aliens from outer space.

Why do men have nipples?

Before you go all smart-arse on me, I know how they have them. Everyone starts off as a female in the womb, blah blah blah. Biology lesson over.

But surely if they serve no purpose (well, except sexual pleasure I suppose. Which I still don't get.), they'd just get left behind as we evolve? They're like appendixes. They do nothing except randomly KILL YOU at times.

Could nipples kill you? I saw a documentary about a woman being killed by her breasts. Perhaps something to do with nipples?

Anime with nipples is counted as hentai. Which is probably why the Sims don't have nipples.

Back to my point, I guess if men didn't have nipples, they'd look like strange nippleless aliens from outer space who are coming to reproduce with womankind. Sounds like a porno more than sci-fi. I'd be a great porno writer. I watch it for the storyline. -puts on hipster glasses-.

Again, back to Earth, away from Nippletronious [the planet in which the no-nipples people come from. Shaped like a boob]. I heard that Osama Bin Laden is dead. I'm not actually sure whether to be sad (about the fact another human died) or happy (because he killed about 3,000 people). But I'm gonna respect him here and say he was a genius. He just used it in the wrong way. Everyone says he's the "bad guy" of the oil war and political things like that, but I don't think there is such thing as "good" or "bad" in a war. Just the people who win, I guess. Sorry about depressing you. Here's a picture to make you chuckle. You'll go to hell, but still.

"... Harder than my nipples!"

Yes. I made a blog post with the word "nipples".
The title is unfinished. It's supposed to be "Finding a Suitable Profile Picture is Harder Than My Nipples". The current one is just funnier.
Most male bloggers [mloggers] get away with a Pokémon or a car. We girls, are unable to do so.
Since most pictures of myself are taken at unfortunate moments where I have no idea about the fact there is a camera in front of my face, I chose an old picture of me (which contrary to what you're probably thinking, is NOT photoshopped. I did dye my fringe blue at one point. I also had red hair at the time too) which is probably freaking you out right now. I can hear people saying, "Oh my God, her body looks so disproportionate! Her head is massive! That fringe looks unnatural! She's really pale! Is she biting her lip? What a whore! Is she single?"
People are thinking now, "She should stop slating herself! She's perfectly good looking!" but if I did go on and on about how pretty I think I am, you'd be saying "God, Kitty. Get over yourself."
To which I'd probably reply, "I've tried, I can't. I'm just so fucking awesome. It's hard, you know?"

Speaking of hard things, an opportunity has come up for me.
I have a [best] friend called Cory who goes to college. He studies... well, radio and television. In Irish. Which I have to give him credit for, that would be difficult.
And if you don't know me well, and you're reading this [pervert] I'm... well, interested in a certain actor called Taylor Lautner. [Puts on hipster glasses] But you've probably never heard of him.
Of course you have. Who HASN'T? He's one of the most fucking gorgeous people on the planet since Ash Ketchum from Pokémon. And Ash was a sexy mother fucker.
Anyway, I have no way of knowing if this would happen or not, but Cory's professor used to work with Taylor Lautner. Also, he MIGHT (I can't stress the might enough) be inviting him over to do a short movie. And they need a girl around my age to be the main female lead. I'm my age and Cory knows me. I've been in a drama club for the past 7 years, so that might help.
God I hope this works out. But not in a Black Swan way. I don't exactly want to be anorexic and masturbate.  Or have a sexual encounter with my opponent. Wait, depends on who it is...

Toodle pip mloggers and floggers. Or mfloggers. Whatever you are, good fly. Following this blog has no side effects. So what's the harm? ;3

Paddy McGuinness' arse has healing properties.

Epic title. I know.
Well, this is my first post. Awkward. It's the last day of Easter holidays so back to school on Tuesday. I'm dreading it. I have no idea where my Religion workbook with my report for Junior Cert inside it, but I have it written in my hardback. Just copy it out onto paper and ZING. I also have Art, Science and Business homework to hand in.
Don't get me wrong by saying this, I like love ADORE Art and Science. It's the teachers I detest.
Mr. O'Carroll is my Art teacher. He's quite the groomer for young girls. One day we were cleaning up the Art room, I was the only girl at my table wearing a skirt. He told ME to go on top of the cupboard [very high cupboard, not good for my height phobia] to take down the drawings. I asked my friend, Naomi to do it instead. Phew.
Sister Catherine is my Science teacher. AND A FRICKIN' NUN. That's just a paradox waiting to happen. I can't wait for the glorious day she actually tries to explain human reproduction and the Big Bang theory. She's quite annoying at times and constantly giving out to people for things they didn't do. I can't WAIT until after Junior Cert...


Back to the title.
I was feeling a teensy bit depressed today because... well, did you see the weather? Enough to make an optimist consider suicide.
Anyway, my mother proposes [incest] that we watch the entire first series of one of our favourite shows, Max & Paddy's Road To Nowhere.
Paddy McGuinness (Yes, I'm a hipster. I knew him BEFORE Take Me Out.) was naked in it. With a hat on his trouser snake. His oddly tanned arse made me laugh. Made my mum split her sides. So I'm healed by the power of Sailor Paddy. Speaking of arses, my aunty gave me a pencil skirt for no reason today. When in my teenage years will I ever wear a pencil skirt? It's a lovely thought though. Also, it makes my arse look FIT.
Okay, enough about my arse {never thought I'd say that, it's usually my boobs I speak for}.
I have a question that's been nagging at me for a while.
What would a [foreign, but not the "can't speak English" kind of foreign] boy find sexier, an English girl, or an Irish girl? I'm both. So tell me, and I'll choose which one to be.
Goodbye, my little whores. And don't forget to chupe mantequilla de mi culo.*




*That's Spanish for "Suck butter out of my ass". Apparently, it's a popular insult there.